I'm reading a new book. I picked it up in the bookstore when I went to church on Sunday. It's called Finding Yourself in Transition, by Robert Brumet. I had to read the title several times before I caught the play on words, but once I did, it certainly hit home.
I am in transition, and through this transition, I will find myself anew. I use that word, anew, rather than again, because I don't think I'm going to be the same person I was before I began this transition. Why do I think that? Because as I work through each day I'm having difficulty recognizing who I am. I don't know where I fit anymore, and I can't see where I will fit once this transition period has passed. I have a sense that there is something waiting for me, but at this time, I have no earthly idea what that might be.
That's the kicker, I think. I'm expecting an earthly idea, and I don't think it will be an earthly one, but a spiritual one. I've received several emails from people asking if I've done any circles yet, or if I've thought about when I might offer certain classes. Thoughts of circles and classes have come, but more because I feel like I should be thinking of them, rather than because it's the right thing to do at this point. Brumet says change is a process that requires us to "be willing to trust the divine wisdom and order within the process." He says that "Trying to force our personal will on a process is usually counterproductive and may be very damaging." I've been attempting to do that, to honor my feelings and what my body is telling me as I go through each day.
What that means is, there are still many boxes to unpack. Some days I don't touch a box at all, but run errands or just explore the landscape. Other days I dig in and unpack for hours, only stopping when I realize it's getting too dark to see and I have to turn on the lights. At other times I spend hours in silence, aware of an energy running through me that is not the same energy I feel when I'm unpacking or out and about in my car. I've been trying to do what feels right, rather than doing what someone else might think is right for me. I think that anyone looking in from the outside might think my ways are a bit strange, as there isn't as much progress as someone else might make, and yet, where I am, feels right.
It feels right, but it isn't necessarily comfortable. Brumet calls this part of the change process "the Void", where nothing "seems solid or definite:" where "... time and space seem to lose their former reality." He says that during this part of the process our feelings can go from the highest highs to the lowest lows, sometime feeling as if demons are within us, and at other times feeling the Divine in ways we never have before. He says we may be challenged to draw on our deepest resources to see us through this difficult time, but that it can be " an enormously powerful period: a time of opening to new freedom and empowerment, a time of deep healing , a time of transformation."
I wasn't looking for another book when I stepped into the bookstore on Sunday. I was really only trying to pass time until the service began. If this move has taught me anything, it's that I have far too many books already. However, God must have known that I needed a different perspective, a new voice, to help me traverse this part of the journey, because Brumet's words have shored me up, assured me that I'm still on the path, and at the right place on the path. He's given me a different way to see this space that I'm in, and a way to own it that I didn't have before. He's also helped me remember that this is just a stage in a process, and that it will eventually end, and that I will be better for having experienced this time, for allowing myself to accept what is, rather than pushing it away. His understanding is that once we have come through the void and experienced all that it has to offer, we are empowered with wisdom and strength which are not given to us solely for our own benefit, but given to us "that we may serve others in some way."
Ever since I learned Reiki, my prayer as I began each session has always been: "Let me be the channel for Your energy, the instrument of Your peace." I will gladly embrace this void, this period of unknowing, if it enables me to be an even better channel and a greater instrument for the Divine.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Monday, August 5, 2013
Staying Connected
I went to church yesterday. I haven't been to church for a regular Sunday service in years, more years than I can count on one hand, in fact. But I need to meet new people and begin to build a community of like-minded folks in this new home town of mine, and since I'm not a bar person, and my body isn't up to working out at the gym or stretching out in a yoga class, I thought attending church might be a good place to start.
So on Saturday I did a web search for Unity Church in Nashville and got the address and the times for the services. I chose Unity because I used to attend Unity in Pittsburgh and generally liked the service. I decided I'd go to the 11 am service so I didn't have to get up so early, and also because I didn't know where I was going and didn't want to have to leave home at daybreak just to give myself enough time to find my way. But by the time I fell asleep Saturday night, I'd changed my mind. I just had too much to do, too many boxes to unpack, too much stuff to sort through. I decided I'd go next week instead.
Deep down I knew I was using the unpacking as an excuse because I was dreading walking into a new place where I knew no one. But since everything in my new home really is still in chaos and it's an effort just to find clean clothes each morning, it did seem like a viable excuse.
However, I woke up extra early and the first thought I had was that I needed to go to church. I pushed it aside and tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. So I got up. I usually read while I eat breakfast, but I don't have a table and chairs yet, and it's a little challenging to balance a book, a breakfast plate and a cup of coffee on the arm of a camp chair, so I decided to turn on the television while I ate my breakfast. Not much on that interested me at 8 am, but I did notice that Joel Osteen was on (if you're not familiar with Joel, you can check him out here: www.joelosteen.com ), and so I clicked the remote to that channel to see what he was talking about. Within five minutes, I was in tears, because the message he was sharing was exactly the message I needed to hear.
He was talking about the importance of maintaining our connection to Spirit, and that when we do that, everything else falls into place much more easily. He wasn't saying anything I didn't know and believe, and usually practice, but in the crazy, hectic weeks prior to me landing permanently in Nashville, I'd been more concerned with what I had to do to make the move happen, than I was with my connection to Spirit. And to tell you the truth, that neglect was evident in the things that were happening and the way that I was feeling. I truly needed that reminder.
After listening to Joel, I decided that I'd go to church after all, because I was feeling disconnected and wasn't sure I could remedy that feeling on my own. I wasn't really sure that attending church was going to remedy it either, but since it was the first thought I had when I woke up, I figured maybe there was a reason it was my first thought. I have to tell you, I was supposed to be there! The minister's message echoed Joel's, and the music, along with the message and the openness and friendliness of the congregation, did much to lift my spirits and renew my faith, as well as to remind me once again of what I need to focus on first each day.
It's been so easy to let my spiritual practice take a back seat to all the million and one details that needed my attention in order to make this move happen. So often I'd think about sitting quiet and connecting, and another thought would pop up about something that needed to be done, and fearful that I'd forget, I'd move on to that, telling myself I'd sit with Spirit later. But often, that time, that very important time, never happened.
But what did happen, because of my neglect, was that all the little things that didn't go the way I thought they would, that normally I would be able to take in stride without a hitch, began to get to me. It was harder and harder to stay positive, and I found myself getting more and more caught up in fearful thoughts and negative self-talk. Rather than being excited about the new possibilities of life in Nashville, I was focused on what I didn't have, what I'd left behind. Those thoughts drained my energy and left me feeling isolated, alone, and depressed. My physical body also suffered from all that negative energy, and the aches and pains that I normally hardly notice, became almost insurmountable barriers to physical movement. Much as I hate to admit it, I was a mess as I sat in my camp chair watching Joel Osteen.
I'm always amazed at how easy it is to forget how important that consistent daily time in silent connection to the Divine really is to the rest of my existence. This isn't the first time it's happened, and unfortunately, it probably won't be the last, because I am human and it's so easy to get caught up in my thoughts and in the daily rush of life around me. But I hope it will be a long, long time before I let it happen again because I still have a lot of boxes to unpack, new people to meet, and a new life to build, and I need and want all the help the Universe has to offer to make those things happen in the best possible way!
So on Saturday I did a web search for Unity Church in Nashville and got the address and the times for the services. I chose Unity because I used to attend Unity in Pittsburgh and generally liked the service. I decided I'd go to the 11 am service so I didn't have to get up so early, and also because I didn't know where I was going and didn't want to have to leave home at daybreak just to give myself enough time to find my way. But by the time I fell asleep Saturday night, I'd changed my mind. I just had too much to do, too many boxes to unpack, too much stuff to sort through. I decided I'd go next week instead.
Deep down I knew I was using the unpacking as an excuse because I was dreading walking into a new place where I knew no one. But since everything in my new home really is still in chaos and it's an effort just to find clean clothes each morning, it did seem like a viable excuse.
However, I woke up extra early and the first thought I had was that I needed to go to church. I pushed it aside and tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't. So I got up. I usually read while I eat breakfast, but I don't have a table and chairs yet, and it's a little challenging to balance a book, a breakfast plate and a cup of coffee on the arm of a camp chair, so I decided to turn on the television while I ate my breakfast. Not much on that interested me at 8 am, but I did notice that Joel Osteen was on (if you're not familiar with Joel, you can check him out here: www.joelosteen.com ), and so I clicked the remote to that channel to see what he was talking about. Within five minutes, I was in tears, because the message he was sharing was exactly the message I needed to hear.
He was talking about the importance of maintaining our connection to Spirit, and that when we do that, everything else falls into place much more easily. He wasn't saying anything I didn't know and believe, and usually practice, but in the crazy, hectic weeks prior to me landing permanently in Nashville, I'd been more concerned with what I had to do to make the move happen, than I was with my connection to Spirit. And to tell you the truth, that neglect was evident in the things that were happening and the way that I was feeling. I truly needed that reminder.
After listening to Joel, I decided that I'd go to church after all, because I was feeling disconnected and wasn't sure I could remedy that feeling on my own. I wasn't really sure that attending church was going to remedy it either, but since it was the first thought I had when I woke up, I figured maybe there was a reason it was my first thought. I have to tell you, I was supposed to be there! The minister's message echoed Joel's, and the music, along with the message and the openness and friendliness of the congregation, did much to lift my spirits and renew my faith, as well as to remind me once again of what I need to focus on first each day.
It's been so easy to let my spiritual practice take a back seat to all the million and one details that needed my attention in order to make this move happen. So often I'd think about sitting quiet and connecting, and another thought would pop up about something that needed to be done, and fearful that I'd forget, I'd move on to that, telling myself I'd sit with Spirit later. But often, that time, that very important time, never happened.
But what did happen, because of my neglect, was that all the little things that didn't go the way I thought they would, that normally I would be able to take in stride without a hitch, began to get to me. It was harder and harder to stay positive, and I found myself getting more and more caught up in fearful thoughts and negative self-talk. Rather than being excited about the new possibilities of life in Nashville, I was focused on what I didn't have, what I'd left behind. Those thoughts drained my energy and left me feeling isolated, alone, and depressed. My physical body also suffered from all that negative energy, and the aches and pains that I normally hardly notice, became almost insurmountable barriers to physical movement. Much as I hate to admit it, I was a mess as I sat in my camp chair watching Joel Osteen.
I'm always amazed at how easy it is to forget how important that consistent daily time in silent connection to the Divine really is to the rest of my existence. This isn't the first time it's happened, and unfortunately, it probably won't be the last, because I am human and it's so easy to get caught up in my thoughts and in the daily rush of life around me. But I hope it will be a long, long time before I let it happen again because I still have a lot of boxes to unpack, new people to meet, and a new life to build, and I need and want all the help the Universe has to offer to make those things happen in the best possible way!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Angels and Divine Gifts
The concept of moving is exciting, but the physical act of doing so is stressful, chaotic, exhausting, and at times, even painful, as my muscles get workouts they haven't had in months. I have lists of what to take, what needs to be done, what has already been done, who still needs to be called, and who not to bother to call. I've stuck post it notes reading 'Empty' on the cupboards and closets that are, because with so much on my mind these days, and only so much that my brain can hold on to at any one time, I find myself forgetting what's been packed and what hasn't. So it's much easier just to look at the notes! And when the exhaustion and emotional ups and downs begin to cause a lag in my spirits and my enthusiasm, I've taken to reviewing all the different ways God has shown me She is taking care of me, and then it isn't long before I'm filled with energy and my positive mood has returned. In just one day alone, She brought two angels to my rescue!
A couple of weeks ago I realized I was running out of packing tape. ( I like the paper kind that I can tear with my hands and that isn't as likely to get stuck to itself between the time I cut it and the time I can get it in place on the box, which is what usually happens with that clear cellophane stuff.) I also needed a couple more boxes for my big pictures and I had a load of items to take to St. Vincent DePaul Society for donation. I remembered there was a store on my way to drop off the donations that carried moving supplies, so I decided to make one trip do double duty and headed out to do what I needed to do.
Although the moving supply store was on my way to drop off the donations, my car was too full to hold anything more. I decided to stop anyway and at least see if they had what I needed, and then I'd come back once my car was empty. They had the boxes but not the tape that I wanted. The lady behind the counter didn't even know about the paper tape, but when I described it to her, she said it sounded like a great idea. I left the store, telling her I'd be back as soon as I emptied my car, and she reminded me that the store closed at 2.
Once I dropped off the donations, I thought about making a quick trip to the U-Haul place out on Rt. 51 to see if they had the tape, and even considered that the boxes I needed might be cheaper there, if they had them. However, it was Saturday, there was a lot of traffic, and I was concerned that I might not be able to get back in time to get the boxes at the original store if the U-Haul place didn't have them. So I went back to get the boxes, wishing I had a way of knowing whether the U-Haul place even had the tape I was looking for, because if it didn't, I'd waste a lot of time for nothing.
I got my boxes, and Mary Ann, the woman behind the counter, asked what I was going to do about the packing tape. I told her I'd probably go out to the other store to see if they had it. As I waited for her to ring up my purchase, she began typing something into the computer, and before ringing up my sale, she picked up the phone and began to dial. I couldn't figure out what she was doing, and was actually beginning to get irritated that she was making a call instead of finishing up with me. And then she began to speak into the phone, and I realized she was talking to someone at the U-Haul store and asking them about the tape that I wanted!
When she got off the phone she told me she had called a U-Haul store that was in the local area to see if they had the tape, and to save me some drive time, but they were out. She then looked up the number for the store on Rt. 51 and made another call. They had my tape! What a nice thing for her to do - and without even being asked! I thanked her and told her she was my angel for today. And then I added that I was sure God would do something nice for her because she had been so nice to me. She just laughed and shook her head and said it didn't seem to work that way for her. I said maybe she just didn't recognize that God was doing something nice for her, because it didn't happen right away, or because it wasn't something she would normally give God credit for. She stopped laughing, paused for a moment, and then said, "Maybe you're right." I encouraged her to keep that in mind as the day went on and just see what happened.
I don't know what happened to Mary Ann after I left, but I can tell you that God gave me a really good example a bit later on, of what I meant when I suggested to Mary Ann that sometimes God doesn't work in the way that we might expect. My next stop was the U-Haul store that Mary Ann had called, and that's where the second angel showed up, albeit an angry one!
As I walked into the store to make my purchase, there was a man standing at the counter. His loud voice and strident tone quickly caught my attention, and as I waited to be checked out, I couldn't miss hearing what he was saying. Apparently he had reserved a U-Haul truck online and had come to the store expecting to pick it up. Much to his chagrin, his truck wasn't there! It was in Monroeville, about 20 miles away!
It turns out that when you rent a truck online and tell them where you would like to pick it up, that pick-up spot is only your 'preference' in many cases, and not the actual spot where you will finally get your truck. The information on the website tells you that someone will contact you 24 hours prior to your pick-up date and let you know where you will actually have to go to get your truck. Apparently they had emailed this gentleman, but the note in the system stated that the email had been returned and he had never gotten the notice. He was livid!
I bought my tape, checked out and left the store before the gentleman ever resolved his issue, but having heard what happened to him, and knowing that I had also rented a U-Haul online and stated where I wanted to pick it up, I decided I'd better follow up. Sure enough, when I went to the location I'd chosen and asked about it, the man told me that my truck would definitely NOT be at that location. He didn't know where it would be, but he gave me a local number to call the day before I was to pick up my truck so I could check it out, in case no one from the company contacted me.
I felt sorry for the guy whose truck wasn't where he wanted it to be, but I was so grateful that God had put that angry angel in my path so that I wouldn't have the same experience when I went to pick up my truck. You better believe I let God know that I'd recognized Her assistance and offered up a silent "Thank You!" as I left the store.
Years ago I never would have considered that angry man an angel. ( I probably wouldn't have described Mary Ann as an angel then either. It just wasn't my way of viewing the world back then.) I would just have considered it good luck that I was there to overhear his conversation. But I don't believe in luck anymore, or coincidences. I believe in synchronicities and that everything happens for a reason; everything is a gift from the Divine. And as long as I have that attitude, God shows me in innumerable ways that She is taking care of me. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying. If I didn't have that attitude God would still be taking care of me in the same ways, I just wouldn't recognize it.
So that parking spot that just opened up when I most needed it and least expected it, or all those green lights ( and no red ones!) when I was running late for that important meeting and still managed to make it on time? Luck or divine gifts? Which do you think I choose?
Last week I had four vases that I needed to pack. Most of my packing boxes are of the liquor store variety: sturdy, lidded, and best of all - free! The disadvantages are that most are rectangular in shape and fairly small, and have dividers that accommodate six, nine, or twelve bottles. So as I looked at the vases and perused my stock of boxes, I said to myself, "God, what am I going to put these in?" ( And I wasn't being prayerful as I said it, if you know what I mean.) But as I said the words in my head, my hand reached out, without conscious thought, and picked up a box out of the middle of the pile on my living room floor. As I opened it, I noticed that instead of being rectangular it was square, and as I looked inside I saw that the box was divided into four equal openings, each one the perfect size for one of my vases! I began to laugh so hard that I was crying, and my sides were hurting. Because in my head I was saying, "God ( prayerfully this time!) you even gave me the perfect box!"
Okay, call me silly, call me stupid, call me anything you want because I saw that box as a Divine gift. (Out of all the boxes I've gotten from the state store for this move, that was the only one that was square and divided into four!) But Albert Einstein once said, " There are two ways to live your life. One is that nothing is a miracle. The other is, that everything is." Call me crazy, but I'm going with everything! What about you?
A couple of weeks ago I realized I was running out of packing tape. ( I like the paper kind that I can tear with my hands and that isn't as likely to get stuck to itself between the time I cut it and the time I can get it in place on the box, which is what usually happens with that clear cellophane stuff.) I also needed a couple more boxes for my big pictures and I had a load of items to take to St. Vincent DePaul Society for donation. I remembered there was a store on my way to drop off the donations that carried moving supplies, so I decided to make one trip do double duty and headed out to do what I needed to do.
Although the moving supply store was on my way to drop off the donations, my car was too full to hold anything more. I decided to stop anyway and at least see if they had what I needed, and then I'd come back once my car was empty. They had the boxes but not the tape that I wanted. The lady behind the counter didn't even know about the paper tape, but when I described it to her, she said it sounded like a great idea. I left the store, telling her I'd be back as soon as I emptied my car, and she reminded me that the store closed at 2.
Once I dropped off the donations, I thought about making a quick trip to the U-Haul place out on Rt. 51 to see if they had the tape, and even considered that the boxes I needed might be cheaper there, if they had them. However, it was Saturday, there was a lot of traffic, and I was concerned that I might not be able to get back in time to get the boxes at the original store if the U-Haul place didn't have them. So I went back to get the boxes, wishing I had a way of knowing whether the U-Haul place even had the tape I was looking for, because if it didn't, I'd waste a lot of time for nothing.
I got my boxes, and Mary Ann, the woman behind the counter, asked what I was going to do about the packing tape. I told her I'd probably go out to the other store to see if they had it. As I waited for her to ring up my purchase, she began typing something into the computer, and before ringing up my sale, she picked up the phone and began to dial. I couldn't figure out what she was doing, and was actually beginning to get irritated that she was making a call instead of finishing up with me. And then she began to speak into the phone, and I realized she was talking to someone at the U-Haul store and asking them about the tape that I wanted!
When she got off the phone she told me she had called a U-Haul store that was in the local area to see if they had the tape, and to save me some drive time, but they were out. She then looked up the number for the store on Rt. 51 and made another call. They had my tape! What a nice thing for her to do - and without even being asked! I thanked her and told her she was my angel for today. And then I added that I was sure God would do something nice for her because she had been so nice to me. She just laughed and shook her head and said it didn't seem to work that way for her. I said maybe she just didn't recognize that God was doing something nice for her, because it didn't happen right away, or because it wasn't something she would normally give God credit for. She stopped laughing, paused for a moment, and then said, "Maybe you're right." I encouraged her to keep that in mind as the day went on and just see what happened.
I don't know what happened to Mary Ann after I left, but I can tell you that God gave me a really good example a bit later on, of what I meant when I suggested to Mary Ann that sometimes God doesn't work in the way that we might expect. My next stop was the U-Haul store that Mary Ann had called, and that's where the second angel showed up, albeit an angry one!
As I walked into the store to make my purchase, there was a man standing at the counter. His loud voice and strident tone quickly caught my attention, and as I waited to be checked out, I couldn't miss hearing what he was saying. Apparently he had reserved a U-Haul truck online and had come to the store expecting to pick it up. Much to his chagrin, his truck wasn't there! It was in Monroeville, about 20 miles away!
It turns out that when you rent a truck online and tell them where you would like to pick it up, that pick-up spot is only your 'preference' in many cases, and not the actual spot where you will finally get your truck. The information on the website tells you that someone will contact you 24 hours prior to your pick-up date and let you know where you will actually have to go to get your truck. Apparently they had emailed this gentleman, but the note in the system stated that the email had been returned and he had never gotten the notice. He was livid!
I bought my tape, checked out and left the store before the gentleman ever resolved his issue, but having heard what happened to him, and knowing that I had also rented a U-Haul online and stated where I wanted to pick it up, I decided I'd better follow up. Sure enough, when I went to the location I'd chosen and asked about it, the man told me that my truck would definitely NOT be at that location. He didn't know where it would be, but he gave me a local number to call the day before I was to pick up my truck so I could check it out, in case no one from the company contacted me.
I felt sorry for the guy whose truck wasn't where he wanted it to be, but I was so grateful that God had put that angry angel in my path so that I wouldn't have the same experience when I went to pick up my truck. You better believe I let God know that I'd recognized Her assistance and offered up a silent "Thank You!" as I left the store.
Years ago I never would have considered that angry man an angel. ( I probably wouldn't have described Mary Ann as an angel then either. It just wasn't my way of viewing the world back then.) I would just have considered it good luck that I was there to overhear his conversation. But I don't believe in luck anymore, or coincidences. I believe in synchronicities and that everything happens for a reason; everything is a gift from the Divine. And as long as I have that attitude, God shows me in innumerable ways that She is taking care of me. Don't misunderstand what I'm saying. If I didn't have that attitude God would still be taking care of me in the same ways, I just wouldn't recognize it.
So that parking spot that just opened up when I most needed it and least expected it, or all those green lights ( and no red ones!) when I was running late for that important meeting and still managed to make it on time? Luck or divine gifts? Which do you think I choose?
Last week I had four vases that I needed to pack. Most of my packing boxes are of the liquor store variety: sturdy, lidded, and best of all - free! The disadvantages are that most are rectangular in shape and fairly small, and have dividers that accommodate six, nine, or twelve bottles. So as I looked at the vases and perused my stock of boxes, I said to myself, "God, what am I going to put these in?" ( And I wasn't being prayerful as I said it, if you know what I mean.) But as I said the words in my head, my hand reached out, without conscious thought, and picked up a box out of the middle of the pile on my living room floor. As I opened it, I noticed that instead of being rectangular it was square, and as I looked inside I saw that the box was divided into four equal openings, each one the perfect size for one of my vases! I began to laugh so hard that I was crying, and my sides were hurting. Because in my head I was saying, "God ( prayerfully this time!) you even gave me the perfect box!"
Okay, call me silly, call me stupid, call me anything you want because I saw that box as a Divine gift. (Out of all the boxes I've gotten from the state store for this move, that was the only one that was square and divided into four!) But Albert Einstein once said, " There are two ways to live your life. One is that nothing is a miracle. The other is, that everything is." Call me crazy, but I'm going with everything! What about you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)