Friday, December 13, 2013

From Bedbug to Butterflies

I've been a bedbug for most of the last week.  What I mean by that is that I've been in bed playing host to a very nasty bug of some sort that seems to like my hospitality, although I've done everything humanly possible to show it the door!

I confess, I haven't been to the doctor, but from years of experience with similar 'guests', I know that unless there's yellow/green gunk coming from my nose when I blow it and coming up when I cough, (which there isn't) the doctor isn't going to give me anything I'm not already taking. So why make myself more miserable, and take the chance of sharing my misery with others, simply to hear him tell me to go back home and keep doing what I'm doing, and it will be over when it's over?  So I'm waiting it out... not patiently, I admit. But I'm doing my best.

A friend who called to check on me commented that I must really be releasing something, since this bug has been so persistent for so long!  Her comment sent me to my copy of Louise Hay's book, Heal Your Body, which offers the emotional/energetic cause of the physical symptoms our bodies use to let us know there is dis-ease going on. (Interesting that I frequently refer others to this book when they are experiencing dis-ease, but somehow failed to refer to it myself, until Chris' comment. Thank you, Chris!)

Under the entry for colds, it says: "Too much going on at once.  Mental confusion, disorder."  Hmmmm... I see possibilities here.  It also referred me to Respiratory Ailments, which, when I read the following, "Fear of taking in life fully." also caused a couple of raised eyebrows.

I do have a lot going on in some ways, (holiday preparations, new distance events, new in person events, a new relationship, a new way of relating to my son and his family now that I'm here and not in Pittsburgh, learning what it means to be a part of a condo community, etc., etc.) and yet in others, I feel like I don't have enough going on (no business Facebook page, no new website, no full-time work schedule, no email newsletter, no office space, etc., etc.).  So yes, there is plenty of mental confusion and disorder because of all of the above!

As for the 'fear of taking life in fully', well, yes, I have to admit there is some of that too!  Personally and professionally.  I haven't been in a long term, committed relationship in years, and I'm not even sure I know what it means to take that in fully!  So some fear there?  Oh yeah.  And what about professionally?  If I think about all the possibilities of where my work can take me (and that's only from the human perspective 'cause we all know that God can make things happen we can't even begin to imagine!), I'm shaking in my boots some days, trying to figure out how the heck I'm going to do it all, or on the other side of the equation, I'm convinced I don't have what it takes to make it happen.
(Completely forgetting, of course, during those times of quaking, that if God has a plan for me, I don't have to figure it all out, and whatever the plan, She will give me everything I need to make it happen anyway!) 

So okay, there seems to be a reason this bug is hanging on.  I can certainly relate to what Hay's book is saying. What do I need to address; what message is this nasty little visitor supposed to be imparting?   Well, that's where the butterflies come in!

During my trip last year, I took a picture of an orange and black butterfly that landed at my feet on a wooden deck as I walked along a river in Glacier National Park.

The butterfly didn't hold any particular significance for me at that point, other than that I love butterflies and I think this was the only one I had seen up close and personal up to this point on my trip, but with a new digital camera that meant snapping its picture wasn't wasting film, I took the picture. (As I looked at it to include it in the post, I thought it was interesting that the butterfly appeared to be studying its shadow, and aren't our shadow selves the parts of us that we need to bring to the light to heal and release? hmmm, more food for thought!)

After the park, I headed out of the US, through Canada, and ended up in Alaska, where total strangers offered me their spare bedroom for two weeks, and what's the first thing I ssaw when I walked into the bedroom?  A wall full of orange and black butterflies!

And then I walked into the bathroom, and what do you think was on the wall of the cabinet, directly above the toilet, right where I couldn't miss it?  Yep, another orange and black butterfly!

God always finds a way to give me the Guidance, direction, and assistance that I need as I travel this path.  So when those butterflies turned up, so similar to that butterfly on my path in the park that day (the one I just happened to take a picture of), the message I got from them was that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.  I was being watched over and guided, and my presence in that home was no accident, and God wanted to make sure I knew it!  Considering I was in Alaska, thousands of miles from home, family and friends, and staying with complete strangers, that was a message I needed to hear.

With everything that's going on in my life, and everything that isn't, I've been asking for more Guidance, more messages, more of whatever I need to help me move through this period of transformation. 

A few weeks ago, I had an opportunity to take a sound healing workshop with Rev. Denise DeSimone, who is a survivor of fourth stage throat cancer, an author, singer, healer, and minister. (I hadn't planned to attend the workshop, but sitting in church that morning I got the message that I needed to attend, so I went.)  I also had the privilege of receiving an individual healing session from Rev. Denise. (As soon as I saw the sign-up list at the front of the church, several weeks before she spoke, I put my name on the list.  At that point I had no idea who she was or what she was about. I just knew I needed a session with  her.  It was very powerful for me, but the details aren't relevant here.)

During the workshop, Rev. Denise mentioned a teleseminar she would be starting in January, and she referred to it using the acronym, L.I.F.E.  (If she mentioned that day what the acronym stood for, I missed it.)  She offered each of us a free thirty minute 'Discovery Session' with her via phone call, to help determine if the teleseminar might be helpful for us. The information went in one ear and out the other.  I'd tried a couple of things like that before and found that I had trouble keeping my commitment to them.  I figured this would most likely be the same, so I was passing.

One day this past week, during one of the periods when I felt like I needed to do something besides lay in bed, I forced myself to turn on my laptop and look at my emails.  One of them was from Rev. Denise, and the subject heading was simply 'Hello from Rev. Denise'.  For some reason I decided to open it, and it was another invitation to join her teleseminar.  This was after I had looked at Louise Hay's book, so when I read through the email and found out that L.I.F.E. meant Live In Full Expression, and the comment under Respiratory Ailments was 'Fear of taking in life fully,'  I decided to click on the link she offered and check it out more fully.  I was feeling a synchronicity here.

So I clicked on the link, and guess what was at the top of her banner?  Yep, a black and orange butterfly! 
(You can see it for yourself! And who knows?  Maybe the class will call to you too! )

I've scheduled a discovery session with Rev. Denise for next week.  It's really only a formality though. With this kind of synchronicity, I know God's hand is at work, and this is my next step along the path.  There must be something in this teleseminar that will help me clear the confusion and mental disorder so that my path is more clear.   And perhaps I will be able to take in life more fully, with less fear and more joy.  I hope so.  Whatever the outcome though, just like God showed me in Alaska that I was being watched over and guided, and that I was right where I was supposed to be, She's showing me again.  I've learned life is always easier when I follow the Guidance.  So I'll be signing up for Rev. Denise's teleseminar once my 'Discovery Session' is complete, I have no doubt!

I'm hoping now that I got the message, God will help this bug find it's way out of my body sooner rather than later so I can totally escape the bedbug routine at last.  I just wish God could have found a more pleasant visitor to deliver the message in the first place!  I would have preferred a butterfly! :-)