During the course of the 8-week online business program I've been taking, Marie Forleo (the instructor), has recommended a number of books to supplement the course material. Being a good student, I've purchased most of them. Unfortunately, I hadn't read any of them.
Yesterday something 'called' me to pick up one of the books, the WAR of ART: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, by Steven Pressfield, and begin to read it. As often happens when that 'calling feeling' occurs, it was just what I needed. The book is all about resistance, and Pressfield states that resistance is the biggest reason many of us never reach our full potential.
This morning, with my day clear of mundane household chores and babysitting duties, I marked it as the perfect day to dig down deep and work on researching information for a new website. No sooner did the thought come up, than I was besieged by at least a dozen other thoughts about things I really needed to do before I started that research, all of which would take me out of the house!
Ah Hah! I thought, remembering what I'd read in Pressfield's book, resistance is rearing its ugly head! So I decided to tap (Click here to learn more about tapping) on my resistance and see what happened.
What I've learned about tapping is that it leads me to places I never knew I needed to go, and beliefs I never knew I had, but which invariably were issues that were getting in my way and needed to be healed and released.
As I tapped this morning, starting out with "Even though I'm looking for reasons to leave the house and not do the work I know I need to do, I deeply and completely love and accept myself," other statements soon showed up, including the following: "I don't want to be accountable. I don't want to be responsible. My mother always said it was my fault. My mother always blamed me when things went wrong. She'd promise me things would be different and then she'd pull the rug out from under me. Afraid I'll try and God won't support me. Afraid that God will pull the rug out from under me. God isn't like my mother. God isn't like my mother. God isn't like my mother. God doesn't have issues!"
Somehow, I'd overlaid my relationship with my mother onto my relationship with God. It was affecting my ability to trust God and take the next big step. My mother had issues, big issues. But God isn't like my mother. God doesn't love me from a place of woundedness and pain. He isn't trying to relive his life through my own. He isn't afraid that if I fail, I'll be a reflection on His good name. God doesn't make promises and fail to follow through. God won't pull the rug out from under me. God doesn't have issues!
As that last sentence, "God doesn't have issues." came out of my mouth during the tapping, the physical sensations that had been building in my body up to that point, let loose. Tears came. Muscles spasmed and released. My entire body shook. When it was all over, I felt this incredible sense of peace and calm.
Since this just happened, it's too early to tell what the long term results will be, but I do know the desire to run away today, to find something else to do instead of the research on my website, is gone. So I'm going to stay put, dig in and see where it leads. If resistance rears its ugly head again, I'm going to tap some more and see what happens. And for sure I'm going to keep reminding myself that God isn't like my mother. He doesn't have issues!