Friday, May 24, 2013

Slowing down ...

Slowly, one step at a time.  Wearing these, I have to walk a different way!
 Perhaps it's a message about what I need to do to move forward.

and getting back to the basics. That's what this period of forced inactivity has me doing.  In the busyness of preparing to move, and the acclimating to not moving, I'd allowed some things to slip. And indeed, I've realized that there were things I used to do when I first opened The Place for Reiki in 2003, that I haven't done in quite a while.  So I've returned to old ways of being that helped me get where I am, and that I hope will help sustain and propel me into whatever the next phase of my journey is to be.

As a family therapist, I would often get calls from  distraught and frustrated parents whose children were 'out of control.'  During that initial call they would list a myriad of problems that their children were experiencing and express their own feelings of overwhelm and inadequacy because they couldn't get things under control.  We'd set an appointment and begin therapy.

In many instances it wasn't just the child who needed help. More often than not, the parents needed guidance and direction also. Since children don't come into this world with a how-to manual, and most parents parent according to the parenting style they themselves were parented with, my job was often more one of teaching the parents new and more positive parenting techniques than it was about 'fixing' their child.  What they had learned from their own parents, or were doing in opposition to what their parents had done,  had worked till now. But they were different from their parents, their children were different from who they had been as children, and the world itself was a very different place from the one in which they grew up.  The tools they had in their tool boxes just weren't cutting it.

Over a period of weeks we'd work together to establish new rules and routines, trying things out, reworking them as we needed to, and finally establishing a set of guidelines and practices that worked to re-establish order out of the chaos.  All members of the family were happier and both school and family life were improved.  I'd discharge the child and send the family on its way.

Not infrequently, several months later I'd get a call and the parents would tell me that the child was once again having difficulty.  I'd agree to see the family again, and almost always, the reason that the problems had resurfaced, was because the parents were no longer following the rules and practices we had worked so hard to put in place.  Because they had worked, and the situation improved, the parents would slack off, believing their child was permanently 'fixed', not realizing that the 'fix' was the result of their maintaining the structures we had put in place.  Once the new routines were no longer being followed, the child reverted to the old behaviors.  All that was needed to 'fix' the child again, was to reestablish the parenting practices they previously had in place.

Now, I'm not saying I'm in need of fixing!  I'm just saying that when I was uncertain of who I was being called to be, and what that calling would look like when I left my full time job as a therapist and first opened my office, (much as I feel now with my office closed and the moving plan thwarted) I focused my attention on some practices and strategies that I've let go of.  Practices and strategies that I believed at the time might help me figure things out, might give me the tools I needed to move forward.  And obviously they did, because for nine years The Place for Reiki worked, and so did I! 

So I decided it was time to go back to the basics.  I've begun doing the things that I used to do back in 2003, the things that brought me to this point. I'm spending more time reading books that call to me, that have a message or blueprint that might offer me new tools that might serve me better on this  part of my journey, rather than losing myself in the murder/mystery novels that I can devour so avidly in a few short hours.  I'm spending longer and longer periods of time in meditation, prayer and self Reiki, not setting a timer, but allowing God to let me know when we're done.   I'm listening to webcasts and recordings from a variety of spiritual teachers and leaders and paying attention to any of the spiritual practices or insights they offer that might be helpful  as I search for what I'm supposed to do next.  I'm working desperately to stay away from the computer games that can eat up hours of my day, a great way to escape the 'not knowing.'

Along with the old practices, I'm incorporating some new ones.  I'm using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help me move past some old issues that are coming up so I can heal them on a deeper level.  (Check out  if you'd like to learn about this amazing process and how it can help you move forward in your own life!)  I'm also working at loving myself better by changing my eating habits, drinking more and better water, and doing exercises to help strengthen my core to support  my back so that I am  more flexible and can live  my life with less discomfort.   

I don't expect to see an immediate return on my investment.  Just like with those parents and kids, I  need to  figure out what works best for me at this point in time.  I am, after all, quite a bit different than I was ten years ago!  And once I do figure it out, I need to put that new set of strategies and practices into play and maintain it!  I'll also have to remember, as I begin to see changes, and I will, that in order to sustain the changes, I have to maintain the practices.  I'll keep you posted on how I do!


  1. Wow. Powerful Bonnie! I too am in the same spot, of not knowing exactly what the next step will be. I know it will bring help to people & to have growth for me & them. I look forward to see what our "budding" phase will create!

    1. It's always interesting to see what comes after these periods of slowing down and waiting. It's always exactly what we need, even though, frequently, it comes in a form other than what we expected.