Sunday, August 11, 2013

Thoughts in the cab of a truck

Two weeks ago yesterday I climbed into the cab of a fourteen foot U-Haul, and as I clumsily positioned myself behind the wheel, the young man assisting me said, "If you're not scared now, you'll be just fine."  I wondered what made him make the comment, but I was too busy inspecting the dashboard and getting the lay of the land to voice the question, which was probably a good thing, since I don't think he needed to know just how uncertain I was about my ability to drive this seemingly huge truck some five hundred plus miles to Nashville on my own.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, the rain, which had been a drizzle, began to come down with much greater intensity.  My friend, Cathy, had given me a ride to pick up the truck ( We had to go all the way to Sharpsburg!) and she promised to follow behind me to make sure I didn't have any problems on the way back to my house.

The cab seemed huge compared to the inside of my little Mazda, and I kept looking at the big side mirrors, afraid they were going to hit something I passed because they seemed to extend out so far from the truck itself.  As I pulled out onto Rt. 28, I said out loud to God and my angels, "Ok, guys, you better help me with this!"

Rt. 28 was, as usual, under construction, and at one point I was in a narrow single lane with the rain pounding down and water splashing up around me, and I was reminded of the log ride at Kennywood where you're going down a narrow shoot and water is spraying up on both sides, and there's nothing you can do to go a different way or get out of it if you needed to.  

As I drove, I found myself looking in the mirror to see if I could see Cathy behind me, just to reassure myself that if I got into trouble there was help available.  Sometimes I could see her and sometimes I couldn't, but she promised she'd be there so I just trusted and kept driving.  I thought to myself that if I could make it through that construction zone - this huge truck with this novice driver at the wheel - that I should be able to navigate the interstates between Pittsburgh and Nashville with little problem. 

A short, uneventful while later, I pulled the truck up on the sidewalk in front of my house, put it in park, jammed on the emergency brake, turned off the ignition and carefully climbed out.  My initial journey was successful and it gave me hope for the longer journey yet to come.

I hired movers to pack the truck, and once they finished, Cathy followed me to her office, where I parked the truck for the night.  I planned an early start in the morning, figuring that what usually took me nine and a half hours in my car would more than likely take me eleven or twelve in the truck.  After taking my car out to the airport ( I flew back to Pittsburgh the following Wednesday to pick up my car and drive it to Nashville.), I spent the night at Cathy's, sleeping sporadically, my mind filled with thoughts of the drive.

I pulled out of the parking lot about 7 am, waving goodbye to Cathy and trying to get comfortable behind the wheel.  For about the first 90 minutes or so, I was nervous.  The steering wheel was bigger than my car's, the cab was huge and the passenger side was packed as full as I could pack it and still see the mirrors, and the mirrors were screwed in place and I couldn't change their position, so the view I was seeing in them was different from what I was used to, and what I wanted, which made me more uncomfortable.  I kept wanting to judge the position of the truck on the road by the side mirrors, rather than through the windshield, still concerned each time someone passed me that those big extended mirrors were going to hit whatever was passing by.   The problem was that by focusing on the mirrors instead of what was in front of me, I kept swerving from side to side thinking I needed to do so to avoid hitting something, and because I was concentrating on that,  my speed was erratic.  At one point I looked at the speedometer and I was only going forty, and another time I was doing almost 70! (Sitting up high like that you don't realize sometimes just how fast you're going.  I missed my cruise control!)  But finally I got the hang of things, settled down, and began to enjoy the drive.

It's amazing how much more I could see sitting in the cab of that truck than was visible to me doing that same drive in my little Mazda!  The  herons that I saw when I did that drive several weeks before had seemed such a miracle to me, mainly because herons are usually spotted around water, and from what I could see, there was no water! Hah! What a difference when I was seeing things from a greater perspective!  There were bodies of water everywhere: lakes, ponds, rivers.  I just hadn't been able to see them because I was sitting too low.

Previously when I'd driven south, I could see miles and miles of cornfields, but during that drive I could even see the farmhouses at the edges of those fields. I'd never seen those before; never even been aware they were there!  From up high I could see several different layers of vegetation along the edge of the highway where previously I'd seen only what was at the very edge!  I could look down into the cars going past and see the bodies of the people inside, instead of just their heads and shoulders.  And even though I wasn't nearly as high as the eighteen wheelers, I was high enough to see the faces of the drivers instead of just their hands on the steering wheels, which was all I could see from the driver's seat in my car.  I was surprised at how many women where driving those big trucks!  The things you see when you're looking from a higher perspective!  Who knew?

I couldn't help thinking as I was driving (when I got more relaxed and wasn't so intensely focused on every little motion of the truck) that my driving experience was a lot like our spiritual journeys and our relationships with the Divine.  As we begin to engage with Spirit, we are often nervous, uncertain, uncomfortable in the bigger realm that the Divine represents.  It's hard to relax and let go.  We are caught up in wanting to be in control, in watching each and every little move, afraid that a single misstep will take us off course or cause us to crash.  We often miss the bigger picture because we're focused on the details. But as we come to know Spirit, to experience a higher vibration and become more accustomed to it, we are able to relax a bit and look at things from a different, broader perspective, and from that perspective, we see things we've never seen before, perhaps things we never knew existed.  Our eyes are opened in a new way, and the new revelations that we're privy to, often amaze us, and sometimes befuddle us.  And the higher we go, just like those drivers of the eighteen wheelers who were sitting higher than me and could see even more than I could see, the more those higher vibrations allow us to 'see', the more they allow us to know, and our lives are never the same. 

Just like I realized when I drove that same drive later that week, this time once again in my car, that even though I could no longer see the rivers and lakes and ponds, even though it appeared there were no farm houses on the edges of the fields, and I could see only one layer of vegetation at the side of the road, even though I couldn't see down into the cars or see the faces of the drivers of the big rigs, because I'd had the experience before, because I knew what was out there, that drive in my little car would never be the same again! 

I was always going to have a greater perception, a deeper knowing.  I couldn't not have.  Of course there will be times when I make that drive that I won't think about the things I cannot see, but now that the knowingness is within me, there is no way that I can lose it completely.  And that's just how it is with our relationships with Spirit as we travel our paths.  Once we've experienced those higher vibrations, once we've experienced Spirit at work in our lives, we will always have the awareness of that experience, that connection, somewhere down deep inside of us, even when our egos cause our vibrations to lower and we begin to question or doubt, or worry.  Even then, somewhere within us, we know there is more, and our journeys, and our relationship with God, will forever be changed because of that knowing.


  1. Thanks for sharing Bonnie. Your insights and thoughts are truly helpful to me.

  2. Thank you, Diane, for letting me know. Sometimes when I write, I wonder if my thoughts will be of any value to anyone but me, and then I remind myself that I can't be attached to the outcome. However, I am human, and so to know that what I've shared has been helpful to you, means a great deal to me. Thank you for taking the time to let me know.

  3. Hello Bonnie. I am glad to hear from your blogs, that you have made it safely to Nashville. I loved reading all the ones I haven't seen yet. Which are all the ones in August. I understand what it is like driving a bigger vehicle then the car you are used too. Since I drove for 3 years at Country Meadows in their vans, one for 2 wheelchairs and one that could hold 4 wheelchairs. I can understand how it takes time getting used to them. When I first drove the vans, the tension I felt was high. It wasn't until I let God take control of the wheels that the tension lowered quite a bit. I started asking Archangel Michael to protect me through out the day, of the things I might see and the things I can not see. I ask God to help me through out the day so that I may have more patients while driving. When I had to get to appointments on time and keep in order all the trips yet to make on top of driving, it could get crazy. If I thought negative on one day, then the day wouldn't go so well. But... when I let God help me and I thought positive thoughts, the day went with a smile. The people I meet while driving was wonderful. Yes, there were a few that were not so nice, but then again, that is when I ask God for help. I believe there were a few times that Angels in human form were my passengers. I remember them very well. To be handed a twenty dollar tip before I even took this one couple to their doctors appointment was unexpected. They wouldn't even let me drive them if I didn't take the tip. They insisted on me driving them and also giving me the tip. When I drove them, I knew something was very special about them. We talk while I was driving the whole time as if I had known them forever. It was a blessed trip. What makes it even more special... I really needed the money for food until I got paid at work. I wasn't sure what I would eat for the next couple of days until I got paid. I was thinking of what little I had left at home to eat. Knowing, if I come up with a plan on what to eat, by the time I got home, it would really taste good. Ha, ha, ha, ha!! I was tricking my own mind, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!! I have to say.... I done this more then once and it works, ha, ha, ha, ha!! Anyway... Sometimes just standing still can help. Look around and enjoy the newness God has brought your way. Look enjoy your beautiful new home. Since I have traveled to Tennessee several times, I saw a lot beauty all around. Much to see and learn. What am I saying... hum.... not quite sure. Maybe it is okay to have things unpacked slowly, taking time for looking, listening and waiting. We rush about so much. We worry so much and sometimes without even realizing it. I can not wait to hear what God brings your way. I believe God has BIG plans for you. Just as he provided money for me in the past, I am sure God will continue to help you in BIG ways. It will all work out. My dad said many times when my mom would get stressed out and worried, "all things work together for good to them that love the Lord God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 Kings James Version and in The Living Bible it says, "And we know that all that happens to us is working for our good if we love God and are fitting into his plans." Love your new place. Love the new area your living in. Take time to enjoy the newness of it all. Love those God brings your way. I am sure there will be many to come. As you have loved us, we loved you and still do. I am happy for you. I love your new journey your taking. "Even in the mist of darkest, a light can shine very brightly." "Even in our lowest of times, God can bring anew." "When it is in God's time." "When you are ready." "Thou kingdom come, thou will be done on earth as it is in heaven." I love reading your Blogs. And when you are ready to start classes, I am sure, one day I will be visiting you. Thank you Bonnie for being you!!! :)

  4. These last two weeks have shown me in stronger ways than ever before, Rebecca, how important it is to have and maintain a positive attitude...what a difference it makes in all things that happen during the day! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and affirming God's message to take my time and know that all will happen when it is meant to. I'm already beginning to receive some 'hints' about what I need to do next, so I'll see where it all leads. And I'll keep you posted on any new calendar of events that I make up. I know our paths will cross again in person when it's meant to be! Many blessings as you continue your own journey! You've come so far already, and are so much better at turning things over and hearing what your Guides are telling you. I'm sure that as you continue, things will become even more clear!

  5. I look forward to what you will be doing next Bonnie. Thank you for your kind words. Much going on for me. Many changes still yet to come too. The new director of activities has started at work two weeks ago. One other new staff member has also started in activities and 5 more to come. Please keep lifting us up in prayer as tension is rising with the new director. She is overwhelmed by how much she has to do. Where she worked at before things were very different. She did all the activity calendars herself and she had complete control of all activities. She is having difficult understanding were I play a roll in activities. How Connections plays a part, which is my team and she wants total control of it all. Looks like I will not even be doing the work schedule for the Connections team if she has it her way. I hope to be in the meeting with the main director of the whole building next week. Reiki has been helping me BIG time. You wanted to know what the outcome was with giving Reiki to horses. Well... so far I have given Reiki to only a few. One is named Star and he is a beautiful horse. I haven't done much more since I felt I should wait until things calm down at work. I told myself, nothing gets accomplished by rushing into everything. Going to take a Reiki Class with Janet Jackson on November 2 in Hookstown, PA. I may go to some of her other classes as well, like Reiki circle and others. When it is time for me to take the Reiki Master class, when you schedule a Reiki Master class and if all works out, then I will travel your way. I am trying not to get overwhelmed myself with everything going on. I know that all things will work out for the Glory of God. I just keep asking for guidance. Thank you for the blessings and prayers you lift up for me. May the Lord God continue to lift you up too. I will continue to send Reiki your way. Oh... You are missed.

  6. Just remember that all the experiences that are coming to you are preparing you in some way, for what's ahead. They are all opportunities to help you continue to grow, to test your strength and courage and to teach you more about yourself and your own gifts. Just hang in there an continue to ask your guides and angels for help. You'll have all that you need!