That's how I was feeling this morning. I promised God I'd write this blog, and since the last post, I haven't come up with anything that seems worth writing about.
Usually after I finish one post, thoughts and ideas almost immediately begin to percolate for the next one. But not this time. So I'm wondering why I'm so empty. If God wanted me to write this, and He said He'd give me the words I needed to fill the space, and the words aren't coming, what does that mean?
Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way. I had a session with Dr. Flick when I was in Pittsburgh (drmatthewflick.com) and when the session was complete, Dr. Flick asked me what I was feeling during the session. As I tried to articulate what happened, the first thing that came to me was that I felt like I was in a void, and then I changed that and said, no, it feels like there is a spaciousness within me that wasn't there before. A very vast spaciousness. That's very different from feeling like I was in a void. Spaciousness sounds receptive to me, like there was a space for something after the session that there wasn't space for before the session, if that makes sense. I didn't feel empty at all.
And I just got an email from Dottie Woodward (firstname.lastname@example.org), the wonderful healer that sponsored my healing circles in Harrisburg. I did an individual session for Dottie while I was there, and I emailed her a couple of days ago and asked how she was doing, and if she had noticed any changes since the session. When she responded, she said she felt very empty, as if 'part of me wasn't there', and then she said that perhaps the session had given her the impetus to shed what was no longer serving her so she could expand.
Hmmmmmm...so maybe I'm not empty. Maybe I need to change my perspective: see myself as being in a receptive mode, free of that which no longer serves me, waiting and holding a space for whatever is supposed to come next. Perhaps that something is bigger than what I'm accustomed to, or different in some way, and in order for me to properly receive and understand it, the space within me needs to be bigger than it has been before. Maybe spaciousness can seem like emptiness if I've never experienced spaciousness before, and particularly if I'm only familiar with the concept of emptiness. I think I'll hold this new perspective close for a while, let it expand and grow, and see where it leads me.
What choice do I have really? If there are no words, there are no words. :)